This is my Grandma with me on my birthday almost 10 years ago. She was at the tail end of one of her annual winter stays with my mom in Tucson. They came to visit for my birthday. She had asked my mom for suggestions of what she could get me for my birthday. My mom, knowing me so well, said, "I bet Angie would like nothing better than one of your lemon meringue pies." So, my grandma spent an afternoon making me this pie. I was in the first weeks of my first pregnancy and there was nothing that could have made me happier than to share my birthday pie with my grandma, my mom, my husband, and my unborn baby Meagan :). This past Tuesday, September 16, was my Grandma's birthday. She would have been 96 years old. We lost her three years ago this past July. When the word went out that she was very ill after a heart attack, her four children, their spouses, all of their children, and many of their spouses and children were at her side within 24 hours. For me, I got the call just as we were about to head out for the 4th of July weekend for a camping trip in Colorado. I pulled my things and 11-month-old Charlie's things out of the car, threw Charlie on my hip and waved good-bye to our other three family members. Then, I booked a flight to Nebraska and was on the plane with Charlie the very next morning. We had decided that Jeff and the older two kids should continue on to meet up with our friends for the holiday weekend and that I would take Charlie and go be with grandma "just in case...".
We were all so blessed, really. Before she passed away, we each had time alone with her. I'll never forget, how when I walked into her hospital room with Charlie on my hip, she opened her bright blue eyes and looked at us and said, "Well, Angie and Charlie, you are here." She patted the space next to her on the bed, and said, "Sit down here." We did. Then, we chatted for a bit. That was the last time I talked to her. Within 24 hours, she slipped out of consciousness and then she passed away with her four children at her side.
The minute I got to Nebraska, I really couldn't bring myself to eat much. My stomach was too full of sadness at the prospect of not having my grandma anymore.
Nearly all of us-- children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren--stayed at her home while we traveled back and forth to the hospital where she was. As you might expect, the house was very grey and solemn after she died. In our sadness, most of us didn't know what to do with ourselves. We had quiet conversations and flipped through Grandma's mountains of books. We looked at old pictures and read the paper.
Then, my cousin Tracy, in stark contrast, got very busy pulling out our grandma's baking sheets and baking ingredients. She started baking up a storm. I remember several of us gathered around the kitchen and just kind of stared at Tracy in disbelief. Tracy seemed to take note of our confused and staring faces and matter-of-factly stated, "I bake when I grieve." And bake she did. Soon the counters were full of cookies and all kinds of other wonderful treats all made in Grandma's kitchen by one of her granddaughters, the one who bakes when she grieves.
I, for one, started eating again.
This idea of baking through grief has stayed with me. Every Christmas, I make Grandma's toffee candy and every year on her birthday, I try to make her lemon meringue pie. Neither are nearly as good as hers, but I'm continually drawn to following the recipes written in her hand as a way of re-connecting with Grandma at times when I miss her most.
This year, September 16th, fell on a lovely early fall kind of day. I spent a good part of the afternoon baking this pie :
With some "help" from one of Grandma's great grandchildren:
It wasn't nearly as beautiful or delicious as hers. But with some tips and advice from my mom and aunt (my grandma's two daughters), it's getting better every year. This pie is a huge improvement from the first one I made. That pie was so runny, I had to pour the pie into a glass and drink it. Which I did because, like my grandmother, I NEVER waste food.
I had a meeting at my house that night, so I reserved this pie for the meeting. With some more "help" from Charlie, I made some mini pies for the kids to have for dessert that evening.
The kids got very excited about the idea of putting a candle in their pies and singing "Happy Birthday" to "Grandma Great":
Happy Birthday Grandma, we miss you so.
Love, Angie
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